


KISS KISS FALL IN NOODLES

by GypsumLilac



Series: Noodlepocalypse [1]
Category: Undertale
Genre: Explosions, Fluff Fic, Gen, Narrator Papyrus, Papyrus is the coolest, Reader has undefined gender, punny reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 15:17:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9241202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GypsumLilac/pseuds/GypsumLilac
Summary: . . . I don't even know what this is, man.the story of how Papyrus and Reader met.If you can't handle all-caps, please don't read this. I don't want you to get a headache. seriously. most of it is capitalized. because... Papyrus.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ... Prepare yourself. To fall in noodles.  
>  also i apologize for all the caps...  
> 

[YOU, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN THE BEST!! AFTER ALL, YOU CAN AFFORD TO BE PICKY WHEN YOU ARE AS GREAT AS YOU ARE. YOU IGNORE THE ODD CADENCE OF THE LAST SENTENCE. AND FOCUS ON THE PRESENT!! NO, NOT AN ACTUAL PRESENT SADLY. BUT IT IS STILL AS GREAT AS ONE!!

YOU SIT AT THE TABLE THAT THE WAITRESS WHO IS NOT-AS-GREAT-OR-KIND-AS-YOU-ARE SHOWS YOU TO. YOUR LAZYBONES BROTHER SITS DOWN ACROSS FROM YOU WITH A SATISFIED HUFF. “WHAT A WONDERFUL PLACE, BROTHER!!” YOU SQUEAL IN A DIGNIFIED MANNER. “DO THEY REALLY ONLY SERVE SPAGHETTI HERE?!?” YOU HAVEN’T EVER HAD SPAGHETTI, BUT NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO TRY IT. EVEN THOUGH IT OBVIOUSLY WON’T BE AS GOOD AS THE SPAGHETTI YOU MAKE. THE WAITRESS HUFFS IN AN ODDLY SNEERING MANNER, BUT THAT MUST JUST BE JEALOUSY FOR HOW GREAT YOU ARE.

“yeah, bro. i cannoli imagine how many different things they make with it.” YOU TENSE, OPENING YOUR MANDIBLES. “the pastabilities are endless.” HE WINKS.

‘SAAAAAANS!!!” YOU SCREECH IN MOCK ANGUISH AS HE FIRES THE HORRIBLE PUNS AT YOU ONE AFTER ANOTHER. “DO NOT RUIN THIS EVENT WITH YOUR TASTELESS JOKES!!”

“ok, bro.” AND AMAZINGLY, HE ACTUALLY STOPS. HE LOOKS TENSE ABOUT SOMETHING, AND YOU ARE SUDDENLY STRUCK BY WORRY FOR HIM. WHATEVER IS WRONG, YOU, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL FIX IT.

“SANS, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” YOU SUBTLELY PRY, AND HE WINCES. “WHAT IS GOING ON? YOU DON’T LOOK WELL.”

“it’s, ah, nothing, bro. just a bad feeling. i’m fine.” HE DOES NOT SOUND CONVINCING, EVEN AS HE SMILES REASSURINGLY AT YOU. BUT EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU ALSO KNOW HE WON’T TELL YOU ANYTHING UNLESS HE WANTS TO. “hey, look, wonder why that human is all alone over there?” IT DOES NOT HURT AT ALL. IT DOES NOT HURT TO SEE HIM CHANGING THE SUBJECT SO BLATANTLY, OH WAIT, THERE IS A LONELY HUMAN OVER THERE!

“THEY LOOK SAD ABOUT SOMETHING!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL GO CHEER THEM UP! AFTER ALL, A SPAGHETTI RESTAURANT IS NO PLACE TO BE LONELY AND SAD!!” YOU LEAP HEROICALLY OVER THE TABLE, IGNORING THE CRASH OF THE CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE BEHIND YOU.

“wait, bro, you should leave them alone.” SANS TRIES TO STOP YOU, BUT IT IS TOO LATE AS YOU HAVE ALREADY REACHED THE HUMAN’S TABLE. THEY LOOK UP AT YOU WITH WATER ON THEIR FACE AND SMILE WANLY. WHATEVER WANLY MEANS.

“Hi.” THE HUMAN WAVES A HAND AT YOU AND YOU SMILE ENCOURAGINGLY BACK.

“HELLO!! AND FEAR NOT!! HUMAN, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE COME TO RESCUE YOU!!” THEY SNORT, BUT THEIR LIPS ARE TWITCHING UPWARDS SLIGHTLY. IT IS WORKING!! AHEM, AS YOU KNEW IT WOULD.

“My knight in shining spaghetti armor, huh?” WHY ARE THEY WINKING AT ME? IT IS… KIND OF CUTE. “I’m ok, though. Sorry for bothering you.”

“NO YOU ARE NOT OKAY!!” YOU ARE TIRED OF ALL THIS HIDING OF FEELINGS. “PEOPLE DO NOT CRY WHEN THEY ARE OKAY!! NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW! I AM TOO GREAT TO HAVE EVER CRIED.” (‘except when Frisk set us free. and when mettaton went out with himself, and the time-‘ ‘Stop it.’) “BUT EVEN THE GREATEST PEOPLE CRY. I SUPPOSE I HAVE CRIED OVER VERY GREAT CRY-WORTHY THINGS.”

THE HUMAN SIGHS. “Thanks, but I’m fine. I’m just- waiting for someone.” AND THE DOWNCAST PALLOR RETURNS.  
  
“WHO ARE YOU WAITING FOR, HUMAN? WHOEVER IT IS, THEY ARE BEING INCREDIBLY RUDE FOR MAKING YOU WAIT SO LONG.” THE HUMAN LAUGHS A BIT, THEN, THEIR MOUTH QUIRKING LIKE A MACARONI. (‘Is that seriously the comparison you come up with?’ ‘i think it’s a great comparison.’). AS I WAS SAYING, IT WAS VERY ADORABLE. DEVIOUS HUMANS, ALWAYS BEING SO SQUISHY AND CUTE!  
  
“My date.” THE HUMAN FINALLY REPLIES, LOOKING DOWN. THIS IS AWFUL!! “He said he'd be here but… I don't think he's really coming.” THE HUMAN SUDDENLY SMILES REALLY BRIGHTLY, THE WAY MY BROTHER DOES WHEN HE’S HIDING SOMETHING. “But that’s alright! I only came here for the spaghetti anyway! And the puzzles they hide under the placemats…” YOU CAN ONLY STARE IN SHOCK AS THE HUMAN REVEALS THEIR DEEP LOVE FOR THE SAME THINGS YOU LOVE!

“HUMAN!! I HAVE A FEELING WE SHALL BE GREAT FRIENDS!! AFTER ALL, I AM GREAT AND WHOEVER LIKES PUZZLES AND SPAGHETTI AS MUCH AS YOU DO MUST BE TRULY GREAT AS WELL!!” THE HUMAN SNORTS AGAIN, AND YOU SMILE PROUDLY AT YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENT. “SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, NEW HUMAN FRIEND? WILL YOU JOIN ME AND MY BROTHER SANS FOR A NIGHT OF SPAGHETTI AND PASTA?”

TO YOUR JOY, THE HUMAN NODS. “That sounds.. nice, actually. Thanks, Great Papyrus.”

“YOU WILL BE GREAT AS WELL AFTER HANGING OUT WITH ME, THE GREATEST OF HANGOUT COMPANIONS!!” YOU TAKE THE HUMAN’S HAND AND LEAD THEM TO YOUR TABLE. UPON REALIZING THAT THERE ARE ONLY TWO CHAIRS, YOU GRAB A NEARBY CHAIR. YOU IGNORE THE OUTRAGED SQUEAL AND THUMP CAUSED BY THIS ACTION AND PLACE THE CHAIR AT YOUR TABLE, WAVING THE HUMAN INTO IT GRACIOUSLY. (‘You pushed me into it. After stealing the chair someone else was using.’) THEN MY BROTHER RUINS THE MOMENT WITH A WELL-TIMED PUN. AND BY THAT I MEAN HORRIBLY TIMED.

“gotta be chairful, there, bro.” FOR THE HUMAN’S SAKE, I GRAB THE TABLECLOTH TO MUFFLE MY SCREECH. THIS HAS THE UNFORTUNATE EFFECT OF SPILLING BOTH OUR DRINKS ONTO THE HUMAN.

“Water you doing?” THE HUMAN ASKS BEDRAGGLEDLY, AND MY EYE-SOCKETS EXPLODE IN HORROR.

“NO PUNS! SAAAANS, YOUR BAD INFLUENCE IS RUBBING OFF ALREADY!!” YOU STOMP IN DRAMATIC RAGE. THEN GASP AS A SOFT AND KIND OF WET HAND FOLDS AROUND YOUR ARM-BONE.

“Sorry, Oh Brave Papyrus. I can’t imagine what you must put up with, your brother being so humerus and all.” YOU RELAX, APPEASED. BUT THEN YOU SEE THE DEVILISH SMIRK ON THE HUMAN’S FACE AND THE DELIGHTED GRIN ON YOUR BROTHER’S.

“HUUUMMAAAAANN!!!” THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT TURNS TO STARE AT YOU, BUT YOU DON’T CARE. HOW COULD THINGS HAVE GONE SO WRONG, YOU ASK YOURSELF. AT LEAST SANS SEEMS TO BE HAPPIER. A SPARK OF AN IDEA FLASHES THROUGH THE BRAIN YOU TECHNICALLY DON’T HAVE BUT IF YOU DID HAVE IT, IT WOULD BE RATHER LARGE INDEED. THE HUMAN AND SANS BREAK DOWN LAUGHING, AND JUST THEN THE WAITRESS COMES BACK TO TAKE YOUR ORDER.

“AHH, THANK GOODNESS YOU ARE HERE, WAITRESS HUMAN.” YOU BEAM AT HER AND SHE WINCES EVER SO SLIGHTLY, HER LIP CURLING UP. BUT YOU AREN’T HURT, THAT IS THE NORMAL REACTION TO ONE AS GREAT AS YOU ARE. THE OTHER HUMAN’S HAND TIGHTENS AROUND YOUR ARM-BONE. “I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER THE SPAGHETTI WITH A SIDE OF SPAGHETTI.”

THE WAITRESS SMILES PATRONIZINGLY. YOU SEE IT, BUT DECIDE TO IGNORE HER BAD ATTITUDE. YOU ARE SURE SHE IS A VERY NICE PERSON TO HER FRIENDS. SHE IS PROBABLY JUST MAD THAT YOU SPILLED WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR. “I APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING THE FLOOR WET, BUT IT HAD TO BE CLEANED.” YOU EXPLAIN.

“That is perfectly alright.” THE WAITRESS REPLIES AS SHE PLACES A COVERED DISH ON THE TABLE. “Someone ordered this for you, by the way.” AS THE WAITRESS HURRIES AWAY, YOU GRAB HER ARM.

“BE SURE TO THANK THEM FOR US, WILL YOU? IT WAS VERY KIND OF THEM TO MAKE AN ORDER FOR US! THEY MUST HAVE HEARD OF MY GREATNESS AND WANTED TO PAY HOMAGE.” THE WAITRESS IS LOOKING ODDLY FRANTIC AS SHE STRUGGLES OUT OF YOUR GRIP. WHEN YOU LOOK OVER AT SANS, HIS EYES ARE COMPLETELY BLACK. “SANS?!”

“we have to get out of here! Now!” THAT THROWS YOU THROUGH A LOOP, YOUR BROTHER IS ALWAYS TOO LAZY TO PUT EXCLAMATION POINTS ON ANYTHING.

SOMEONE IS YANKING YOU AWAY FROM THE TABLE. IT IS THE HUMAN, GLANCING AROUND WITH HUNTED EYES. “We’ve got to get out of here! MOVE!” YOU OBEY, AND SANS IS ALREADY WEAVING THROUGH THE MAZE OF EMPTY TABLES. WHY IS EVERYONE GONE? YOU COULD HAVE SWORN THERE WERE A LOT MORE PEOPLE HERE BUT NOW THE PLACE IS EMPTY.

“Bomb!” THE HUMAN GASPS OUT AND YOU IMMEDIATELY UNDERSTAND. THEY STARE UP IN STARSTRUCK WONDER AS I SWEEP THEM OFF THEIR FEET, (‘I did not.’ ‘did too.’). I THEN GRAB SANS AND THROW HIM OVER MY SHOULDER LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES, (‘i’m slightly hurt now. they get to look at you in starstruck wonder but i’m just a sack of potatoes?’ ‘You were starch-stuck’ ‘oh ok’). ANYWAY!!! YOU CARRY THEM OUT THE DOOR JUST AS THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT EXPLODES BEHIND YOU. FLASHES OF RED AND, STRANGELY ENOUGH, BLUE REFLECT OFF THE GROUND AND SMOKING DEBRIS FALLS AROUND YOU. ONCE IT IS DONE EPICALLY BLOWING UP, YOU SET THEM DOWN.

“you’re the coolest, bro.” WHILE THE STATEMENT SANS UTTERS IS COMPLETELY TRUE, IT IS UNDERMINED BY HIM FALLING ASLEEP. THE HUMAN IS MORE APPRECIATIVE, STARING AT YOU WIDE-EYED.

“You- All the- THE SPAGHETTI!!” THE HUMAN WAILS. “It’s ALL GONE!!”

YOU GRASP THEIR SHOULDERS COMFORTINGLY AND SHAKE THEM BACK AND FORTH UNTIL THEY ARE LOOKING WOOZY. “IT IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT, HUMAN. I WILL MAKE YOU ALL THE SPAGHETTI YOU COULD EVER ASK FOR AND WE CAN ALSO MAKE AND SOLVE PUZZLES TOGETHER!!”

THE HUMAN SNIFFS AND GAZES UP AT YOU WITH HOPE SPARKLING IN THEIR EYES AND ON THEIR CHEEKS. “R-really? But we just met, are you sure?”

“Of Course I Am Sure.” AND YOU ARE. YOU WILL COOK THEM SPAGHETTI AND DO PUZZLES AND HANG OUT TOGETHER AND WATCH BAD MOVIES. EVEN IF THEY DO MAKE BAD PUNS, AT LEAST IT’S ONLY EVERY NOW AND THEN.

“Shouldn’t we find out who did this, first?” THE HUMAN MAKES A VERY GOOD POINT. AND THERE IS NONE BETTER TO ANSWER THIS POINT THAN- (‘UUNDYYYYNE!!!! NGAAAAAAH!!’ ‘Hey, he was telling us’ ‘yeah, cod out of here until he’s fin-ished’)- WELL, IT IS UNDYNE, BUT YOU, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, ARE ALSO GOING TO HUNT THE SPAGHETTI-HATERS DOWN AND TEACH THEM A LESSON. A COOKING LESSON, PREFERABLY. (‘That’s so boring. What about a SUPPLEX LESSON!!’ ‘Undyne, no!’ ‘UNDYNE YES!’) WAIT!! YOU REALIZE IT IS A VERY BAD IDEA TO NOOGIE THE SKELETON!!! NOO!!! UNDYNE, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW THE NARRATIVE!!! NO SUPPLEX-HUGS EITHER!!]

Papyrus sits on the couch grumpily as Undyne noogies him with ferocity. “I WAS TRYING TO NARRATE TO THE HUMAN AND SANS! BUT YOU RUINED IT!!”

“NGAAAH, that story sounded so boring! Except the explosion part, I liked that part!!” Undone grins and lets go of Papyrus to turn her piercing yellow eye onto you. “That didn't actually happen, did it?”

You nod, smiling in reminiscence. “I was really lucky that Papyrus invited me to join him. My date must have heard about the imminent attack, and then the other patrons were warned about it so they’d have time to vacate the premises.” You frown. “Those douchebags. No one tried to help Sans or Papyrus at all. It turned out that the whole spaghetti restaurant was a front to lure them in.” Undyne snarls at your reply, and you are suddenly very thankful that her anger is not directed at you.

“i don’t think you’ll find the perps. they’re probably long gone by now.” Sans yawns sleepily, and you roll your eyes at him.

“Well, I’m going to find them. And then I’m going to BRING THEM TO JUSTICE!!” Undyne leaps from the couch and brandishes a glowing spear in the air.

“UNDYNE, NO WEAPONS IN THE HOUSE!! YOU CAN HUNT THEM DOWN LATER. BUT RIGHT NOW WE ARE GOING TO MOVE TO THE NEXT STAGE OF THE SLEEPOVER!! WATCHING AWFUL MOVIES! HUMAN, SIT WITH ME.” Papyrus pats the side of the couch not occupied by a fearsome fish or sleepy skeleton. That side also happens to be his lap. You sit down obediently. It’s surprisingly comfortable, due to the pillow he’s thoughtfully placed over his legs.

“Thanks, Papyrus. Now to destroy the awful movies!” You pump your fist in the air theatrically, then freeze as Undyne completely misinterprets your statement. “NOO!!, Undyne!! Not actually destroy them!!”

“No destroying them?” She looks up sheepishly from the DVD she was about to crack in half. “But you said-“

“WE DESTROY THEM VERBALLY BY BARRAGING THEM WITH COMMENTS ABOUT THEIR HORRIBLENESS!!” Papyrus stomps the floor, shaking you up and down in the process. “OH, SORRY, HUMAN.”

“That’s fine, now where’s the snack spaghetti!”

“IT IS ON SANS.”

“That’s handy.”

“Now let’s destroy these movies!! Uh, verbally!!”

“how’d you even get in here, undyne?”

“. . . I may have destroyed your door when I heard you punks were having a sleepover without me.”

“UNDYYNE!”

“Well, isn't that a-door-able.”

“HUUUMAAN!”

“Sorry, Great Papyrus.”

“Hey punk, are you BLUSHING!!”

“I AM NOT! JUST TURN ON THE MOVIE ALREADY!”

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, criticism, it's, uh, welcome and probably definitely needed. . .
> 
>  
> 
> ~~I ATE MATCHA POCKIES. THOSE THINGS MESS WITH MY BRAIN. EVIL MATCHA POCKIES. I LOVE THEM.~~
> 
>  
> 
> ahem. anyway, i hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it.


End file.
